Who are you trying to impress?

I'm a bit of an introvert and yet people are really important to me, I love being a faceless person in the crowd, able to sit in a corner and observe others while remaining anonymous myself. Yet at the same time, I also find myself concerned about what people think about who I am; hoping that they find me acceptable enough to include in their circles of friends. Deeper down, I also know that I want to be recognised and praised by others, especially the people I admire; being accepted isn't enough, I'm looking to be praised too. That's why it kind of hurts when I read Jesus' question in John 5, "How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?"  

This is an 'ouch' kind of question because I think I get it. When I'm concerned about being recognised or praised by other people, I give them control over who I am, even if it means being someone that goes against who I know God wants me to be. In order to be accepted by the people who, at least in my perspective, are more important or special than I am, I become willing to become the person I think they want me to be, even if that's not really who I am. This comes out of a lack of self esteem or even from a lack of self knowledge or a shallowness in my personality when this happens.

Then there's the selfish side of me that wants to be recognised because I know how wise I am, how important I am even if others don't see it yet. I know I deserve to be recognised and praised because I am worth it and I've worked hard and sacrificed a lot to get where I am. This side of me wrestles with humility and with quiet service, and even if God sees and knows what I've done and who I am, that's not enough, I want more. 

That gets at what Jesus is asking here. Jesus is wondering, if you're busy accepting and wrapping ourselves in the praise of people around us, do you really accept God as God in every aspect of your life, or is God is simply a small part of your life that you can pull out or put away when it suits you. It comes down, at least for me, to the question, "Who is more important to me, God or the people whose attention and praise I'm seeking?" This then leads to another really uncomfortable question, "Who really is the God/god in my heart and life" I'm always afraid that deep down I take that place, or I allow some other person to take that place away from God.

Slowly I'm learning that what I want deep down is to hear God say, "You are my beloved," and "Well done good and faithful servant," yet I keep getting distracted by the other desire to hearing others saying it too. Yet when I hear God's praise, when I read this in God's word and the Spirit gives me the feeling/knowledge that this applies to me, then I know that I'm starting to focus more on who God has created me to be and less on who you want me to be, and that's a good thing, even if it means I don't always fit in the circles I want. 

Do you want to get well? Another question from Jesus

This question from Jesus always catches me by surprise. What do you mean, 'Do I want to get well, of course I do, what a dumb question!' Jesus asks this question to a man who has been an invalid for more than 38 years, which makes this question seem even more foolish. Everybody wants to be healthy, we're all afraid of being sick, of catching something and becoming ill. Just look at the pharmaceutical business, it's a huge industry in North America because of our fear of illness. Consider the healing ministries in the Christian world, people who claim to have the power of healing and how many people hand over great sums of money to have someone lay their hands on them for healing, or how many people are convinced to send away for a bottle of water from the river Jordan or the Sea of Galilee that has been blessed by a ministry person and so now has healing power. All this feeds into our fear of being sick or ill.
Yet, as I've walked alongside many people over the years, I now understand a little bit what Jesus is getting at here. For the man in John's story, his illness might also the only source of his income. Because he is an invalid, he has the potential to earn a fairly good income through begging, using his condition to tug on the heart-strings of those people who were going by, or from the families of other sick people who had brought their sick relatives to the pool for a chance at healing. It's also interesting that the man does not ask for healing, Jesus notices his situation and approaches him with his question, "Do you want to get well?" If the man is healed, his source of income would be gone and he would now have to work for a living, so it might actually be in the man's favour to tell Jesus that he's fine just as he is.
But how about today, how does Jesus' question apply to us now? When I  think of being sick or ill, I no longer think about simply being ill physically, I now often think about being sick through having addictions. Yes, many of them are physical, but many are about the heart; addictions such as pornography, sex, food, and pleasure seeking. We engage in these things because there is something missing inside us that these activities or things fill, making us feel more whole, more complete, more satisfied. We try to find wholeness in these activities because we hate the feelings of emptiness, so we turn to things or people to make us fill whole.
But how about unhealthy emotions such as anger, hatred, greed or lust, among others? These are forms of being ill in our hearts and spirit. Is there someone in your life that you hold deep anger against? There may even be good reasons for your anger, but does this make it healthy if you've been holding onto it for a long time with no effort or desire to forgive? Anger has this way of changing who you are, creating callouses of bitterness and hatred that, over time, and actually begins to affect other relationships in your life because of what you hold inside of you. Anger has this way of growing and spreading inside of us, driving wedges between us and others, even those who are important to us.
Greed and lust are two other emotions that have even been made sacred in our culture as they are about power and pleasure and control. In a culture that puts the individual first, these are important emotions that drive us to achieve the so-called American or Canadian dream, but they come at the price of placing everyone else as second in our lives, placing emotional barriers between us and everyone else.
These feelings all give us an inner sense of power and control over our lives and yet they also keep us from experiencing deep relationships and friendships. They also keep us from trusting in God. We trust only in ourselves and the control we create in our lives.
Now listen to Jesus' question, "Do you want to get well?" Do you really want to be healed from your addictions or those emotions that keep you from having deeper relationships with God and others or would you rather hang onto what you know and what gives you control over your life and others? All of a sudden Jesus' question isn't so simple to answer.
Healing doesn't come at the snap of our fingers, it often comes through much prayer, hard work and the help of others; trained healers and especially fellow followers of Jesus who are willing to hold us accountable while walking with us and picking us up when we stumble or fall. Jesus works his healing using the community of his body.This is normally how Jesus works healing in us today, and it involves making changes in our hearts and minds with the help of the Holy Spirit and the teaching of Scripture; it means becoming the person God has created us to be and trusting that God fill those empty places in us and heal those areas of brokenness that give us our identity right now.

What are You Looking For

I went back to university when I was 34 years old because I didn't really know what I wanted to be when I grew up. It wasn't until my late 20s that I began to think about going into ministry, and even then, I wasn't so sure that a pastor was who I really wanted to be. I had been in the navy for a while and then worked in a small bakery for 16 years but I kind of fell into these jobs, they were not jobs I had dreamt about doing when I was a child. Jesus' question in John 1:38, "What are you looking for?" would have been a hard question for me back then to really answer as I was, and still am, a dreamer kind of guy, always dreaming of what might be, not always focusing so well on what I should be doing. I think more in terms of who I should be instead of what I should be doing, and this always seems to change in different ways as I meet new people and experience new things.
There were times when what I was looking for was a more important job, more money, more vacation time, more stuff, more, more, but over the years my answer has changed. Now I find that I'm looking for meaning and purpose in my life, looking for ways to make a difference in the world, even if only in small ways, trying to figure out who I am and who I should be as a person and as a follower of Jesus. This is not just about spiritual stuff, it's about day to day real life stuff, about how to live and why. As I get to know Jesus more, I find myself beginning to look for ways to do with less and give away more, whether it's stuff or more of myself as a follower of Jesus, husband, father, grandfather, pastor and friend.
"What am I looking for?" This is question I find myself thinking about more often and am learning that what I say I'm looking for reflects who I am and how my relationship with Jesus and others is. What I am looking for determines how I spend my time and who I spend my time with. The disciples weren't sure how to answer Jesus so Jesus invited them to come and follow him, to spend time with him. Over time they began to see that what they were looking for was Jesus, an answer that is growing more central in my own life too. So what are you looking for?

Questions to shape our life

I've been reading John Dear's book, "The Questions of Jesus," and realising how good it is for me to wrestle with Jesus' questions. It's not even all that important to always find the "right" answer since the benefit for me is in wrestling with the questions themselves. Too often when we discover the answer we stop thinking while Jesus' questions are meant to keep us thinking. So for the next while I'm going to wrestle with some of Jesus' questions here. The first question I've been wrestling with is "Who do you really say I am?" a really good question because it forces me to think about who I really believe Jesus is and then I have a decision to make, will I allow that to shape who I am.

 

Before Jesus asks the disciples who they say he is, he asks them, “Who do the crowds say I am?” There’s a variety of answers, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah, who was one of the most powerful prophets from their past, and still others, that one of the prophets of long ago has come back to life.” Prophets were fascinating to the people, seen as different; always calling the people back to God’s way of doing life and leaving status quo behind.

 

It’s only after Jesus hears from his disciples what other people are saying about him that he asks them, “Who do you say I am?” It’s interesting that this question comes after Jesus first asks who the crowds say who he is. The underlying question is whether I’ll be swayed by what the crowd believes. Jesus asks me the same question, “Who do you say I am?” Think about this question for a moment, “Who do I say Jesus is?” Jesus asks me this question with respect, he wants to hear me identify him and choose him; he wants to know who I really think he is and he puts me on the spot by asking it straight out. I need to spend time with this question.This is the heart of my faith and life, who I say I believe Jesus is and how am I going to respond.

 

Good old Peter immediately speaks up, “The Christ of God.” I love Peter because like him, my own mouth often runs off before my brain filter kicks in, but this time, it's a good thing. Peter has seen what Jesus has done in giving them power when they were sent out to preach the kingdom of God, Peter saw Jesus take the bread and feed the hungry crowd, and he has no doubt who Jesus is, though he doesn’t necessarily understand what being the Messiah or Christ means. Peter rejects the crowd’s claim of Jesus as a prophet, confessing Jesus as more than just a prophet, accepting, confessing Jesus as the promised Messiah, the one from God. Peter’s words are right, but his understanding of who Jesus is, is influenced by what he wants instead of who Jesus is showing himself to be. Peter wants a king on a throne. As with many people, there’s a lot of self interest in Peter’s confession.

 

I have to ask myself how my own understanding of who Jesus is influenced by my own wants or society’s picture of who Jesus is? Do I really placed my complete trust in Jesus, following Jesus as closely as I can or do I follow at a distance, waiting to see if the direction Jesus is taking me is the one I want to go in? Jesus lets the disciples in on what it means that he’s the Messiah Peter confesses him to be. I know I have to keep going back to the Bible to keep my image of Jesus in line with what God says and not who I want Jesus to be.

It’s not enough to simply confess Jesus as Messiah. Even the demons confess that Jesus is the Messiah. Luke shares the story of the man possessed by an evil spirit that Jesus meets in the synagogue. When the spirit sees Jesus it cries out, “Ha! What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!” I can say the words, “You are God’s Messiah,” believe it and still not be a follower of Jesus just like the demons. This is harsh, but truth. Jesus doesn’t promise changed circumstances in my life as a reward for confessing him as Messiah and following him, instead Jesus asks me, “Who do you say I am,” and then warns me that following him is going to be costly and even painful.

 

Jesus warns that the cost of following him is high. Suffering and sacrifice doesn’t just happen because God wants me to suffer, it comes because I start to live counter-culturally and my values, morals and priorities change and come into line with Jesus'. It's about becoming less self-centred and more Jesus-centred; opening my eyes to what is going on around me and taking seriously who Jesus tells me I need to be then and there, and sharing respectfully with others who Jesus is, what he expects, and why.

A New Beginning Again!

I'm looking forward to the long weekend, the last long weekend of the summer, for a couple of reasons. I always enjoy an extra day off and relaxing on my deck out back with family and friends. Weather wise, it looks like it's going to work out great this year! Don't get me wrong, I love my work as a pastor, but time with family and friends gives me the energy to be a good pastor, and a little extra time with them at the start of the new church year is always appreciated. It's rather ironic that on Labour Day I try to do as little labour as possible!
The second reason I look forward to this particular long weekend is that it's the start of a new church year, a new beginning again. In September everything looks exciting and fresh, all those involved in our ministries are filled with hope that God is going to do something amazing this year through them and in them. Our mistakes and failures are behind us and have hopefully given us new wisdom for how we move forward with hope.
New beginnings are definitely a gift from God: I'm thinking of times like Professions of Faith, re-affirmations of faith, weddings, the start of a new church and school year, New Year's Day, baptisms, and more are all times to stop, reflect back and look ahead with hope and joy as we step out fresh and new in heart and mind.
These are times for me when my faith gets a boost as I remember again that this is all in God's hands, I'm here for the ride and to do my part the best I can with all the experience and wisdom that comes from the past and can be applied now to the year ahead. My prayer is that this is also a time of hope, renewed faith, and trust for all of you as our churches and ministries get revved up for a new beginning again!

Young people, faith and life

This summer I had the pleasure of spending 6 long days with 9 high school young people and a co-leader who was willing to lose sleep and join in the energy and excitement of being a young person again and sleeping on air mattresses a few hours every night, but who was also willing to share her own life experiences while listening closely and with respect to the lives and stories of the youth. It's the best week of the year for me, something I look forward to every year. Spending the week serving different communities in the North-eastern part of North America with young people who are eager to make a difference in other peoples' communities and lives and who want to make the world a little better place to be, even if just a little bit. This week of serving and worship reminds me that one of the reasons we are here is to serve others because this is how we serve Jesus best. After all, faith without works is dead, as well as that deep truth that what we do for others, we also are doing for Jesus himself. 

I'm often asked by people, "What is the meaning of life," and "Why am I here?" This week with the young people every year reminds me that life is about the simple things; about caring about others and helping where we can, about friendships and connecting with others, and about sharing why we follow Jesus. Faith is not just what we believe, it is also how and why we live the way we do. There is a joy and enthusiasm in our young people for life that many of us adults can benefit from, this is why I love being a pastor and being able to spend that week with our youth; every year I probably learn more from them than they do from me!

This week has also changed the way I am a pastor. It has taught me that ministry is more about time together with people than doing programs, that the Bible and faith and our relationship with God is about everyday ordinary things and not complex theological and doctrinal systems. I need to learn and know theology and doctrine, but the goal is to be able to teach it in normal language in a way that shapes how we live and understand our day to day lives as followers of Jesus. 

Thank you to all the young people and my co-leader for another wonderful week and helping me to stay close to God and become more and more the person God has created me to be. 

I Don't Walk Alone

It has been a very stressful few months as a pastor and as a father. There has been death, illness, family brokenness both in the church and in my own family. Now there has been good stress as well with 2 couples coming for pre-marriage counselling and the possibility of a couple of adult baptisms, a beautiful gift for the people being baptised and our church, as well as a wonderful mission trip with high school youth from our church and community (my favourite week of the year!). Normally the summer is a time to slow down and relax, but that has not been the case this year and it has finally caught up to me; thankfully vacation is here next week and I can get away with my wife and we can spend some relaxing time together.
One of the things I've finally learned after years in ministry is to ask people to walk alongside me as I walk alongside others, both as a pastor and friend. I cannot do it all alone. I have been fortunate these past few months to have good elders and friends walk with me and help me as I ministered to others, especially those who have been touched by death and suffering. Having another person's perspective and wisdom helped me to understand much better some of the dynamics involved. This is important since we have such a multicultural church community, but mostly it gave me strength and courage knowing that I'm not walking alone and someone else understands what is going on. Even in the wonderful moments, such as having a co-leader on the mission trip who really understands life and has a great deal of life wisdom, was a blessing as she shared in a deep way her own walk of faith with young people who are wrestling with God and who He is, and living that same kind of life she did at their age.
Jesus had a small group of disciples he relied on for friendship and to confide in; even Jesus didn't walk alone, he chose to include others in his work and journey, but he also included them into his heart and his own struggles. I'm beginning to appreciate the wisdom found in many of the proverbs that we often hear but don't really get until life opens your eyes to their truth. This past year I've learnt the truth in the proverb, "If you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together." This includes ministry; it is amazing when you depend on your own strength, talents or wisdom how quickly life can bring you to your knees and you're all alone. Walking with others, inviting them to join you gives you people who will lift you up when you fall, support you when you are tired, and even take over when you need to rest. More importantly, it creates friendships and trusting relationships, something that is more precious to me every year as I learn how rare and difficult these relationships are to keep.
If you are walking alone in order to go fast, I invite you to slow down and invite others to join you in your journey so that you may go far and deep in your walk with God and your walk with others.