A Cord of Three Strands - Ecclesiastes 4:1-16

Selfish individualism. We live in a very individualistic world. We’re constantly told that it’s all about us, and if it benefits us, rewards us, if we desire it, it must be good. Our busy lives are a sign of this too, we’re so busy because we’re afraid of missing out. When we slow down, many of us turn to social media to fill our time, and the algorithms tailor our social pages to our personal tastes and preferences, so that we never need to be challenged by a different perspective, leading us to believe we’re always right, leading to a more individualistic way of engaging the world. We’re all impacted by our culture, is selfish individualism rubbing off in the church too? A strong focus on the self leads to a lonely world.

Solomon addresses this in verse 4, “And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.” People work hard to get ahead, too often with little concern for their neighbour, focused on what they don’t have but what the other person has. Envy easily leads to a willingness to step on others to achieve your desires. Solomon sees the oppression going on under the sun, he sees the tears and hears the cries of the oppressed. He recognizes that they’ve no comforter, no defender; they’re alone. Often, those being oppressed feel their friends slip away; they don’t want to be targeted themselves, so they step back. The oppressed experience even more pain as they struggle with no one on their side. Solomon emphasizes the aloneness, mentioning it twice, he recognizes what’s going on and calls it hevel, meaninglessness, like the wind blowing, you can’t hold onto what you’re chasing after under the sun into eternity.

Solomon addresses the desire for wealth and its cost, “Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.” It’s better to be content and grateful with one handful rather than desiring more and more, warning that it will come with toil. We hear an echo to Genesis 3 and God’s punishment to Adam, Genesis 3:17–19, “To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.” For the greedy person, the toil is endlessly, and without any enjoyment of what they’re been working for. Eating supper alone, even with a large bank account, still means you’re eating alone, “there was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” this too is meaningless—a miserable business!”

You can be part of a community and still experience feelings of not belonging, of not having a place in the community, of being oppressed and no one recognizing or caring. It’s hard to walk through life alone, to feel friendless and struggle alone with no one to walk alongside you. The first “not good” in the Scriptures is when God sees that among all creatures, Adam is alone. God immediately creates Eve from the side of Adam as a help-mate for Adam, someone to share life with. We’re not called to walk alone; we’re created to be in community. Part of the image of God is community: three persons in one essence.

The feeling of aloneness, of feeling like you have no place happens even in churches, when no one recognizes or acknowledges your presence. It’s often surprising when you look around in a group like a church and observe how many people are overlooked, quietly ignored unless someone needs something from them, loneliness in a crowd. Having lived on the fringes of most groups, it’s something I’ve picked up on over the years. Someone recently wrote in a church blog about how church employees face this a lot, they’re only recognized as an employee and not as an individual with interests and a life outside the church. They went on to say how once they took a position in the church, even their friendships changed, simply because of their work. New members to a church can find it hard to really belong because those who’ve been there for a while are so comfortable with each other, that they find it difficult to remember to welcome new members, not only into the church, but also into their lives.

Solomon, as king, likely faced loneliness. Who can he confide in who understands what he carries as the one responsible for an entire nation? From the outside looking in, he had everything; he had great wisdom, wealth, many wives and concubines, power, and yet I wonder if he ever had an opportunity to relax with a bunch of friends and talk about how the archery competition went, how the fishing was in the Sea of Galilee, or how his chariot and horse team was faster than the king’s next door. How important it is to have people who see you for who you are rather than for what you do.

The power of loneliness has been used as a form of discipline. There are faith communities who use shunning, turning their backs on someone and not acknowledging their presence when they do something that members feel violates the values of the community. This is a powerful and extremely painful experience for those who are shunned. It’s often practiced in informal ways in many places, even in churches and church families.

This is why Solomon moves on to talk about the importance of companionship. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” I heard a really wise statement this week, the discussion was about recovering from addiction and the person mentioned, “the opposite of addiction is connection.” People who are supported, who have someone in their lives to walk alongside them, encourage them, be there for them, are more likely to move out of addiction than those who try to do it on their own. Having someone come alongside you creates strength and increases your ability to heal, to work through hard stuff, to grow into your potential instead of losing hope and spiraling downwards.

We were created for companionship at creation, Jesus himself created a circle of companions by choosing 12 men to walk with, and a smaller circle of 3 friends to be with him during special and difficult times. The Holy Spirit created the church, a community of people to be family together, to support and encourage each other, to work together, to build close friendships with. The second of the great commandments is a call to “love your neighbour as yourself,” a call to look outwards to others and build relationships with them.

A wise friend offered this wisdom, “Both my personal relationship with God and my friendships with others require accountability and responsibility on my part. It’s a blessing to spend time with my Christian friends and it’s an essential part of my continuous growing relationship with God...here are some things that God has taught me through my friendships. Friendship is an extension of myself; the good, the bad, and the ugly; true friendship embraces the whole person. Don’t enter a friendship expecting to change the other person, instead expect God to use that person to change you! Some friendships are for a season of life, God puts them in your path to either meet a need/cause growth etc, for a defined period of time; that’s ok. In order to be a good friend, I need to give what I expect the other person to give; you cannot expect someone to trust you if you don’t trust in return. Christian friendship works best when love, forgiveness, accountability and responsibility are present; the combination of the four is awesome!”

We’re the body of Christ together. Remember that we’re all one in Christ. Reach out to those who aren’t connected. Seek out conversations with others not in your circle of friends, reach out to some of our housebound members, and to those who are going through difficult times, pay attention to the people around you to see who stands alone, talk to them. Ask questions to learn what they’re interested in, what some of their dreams are. Share what you appreciate about them to someone else that you normally don’t talk to, pray through the church directory, ask God for ways you can encourage and build them up in the Lord. Because we’re one in Christ, when we reach out to the other, we’re reaching out to Jesus, and we’re being changed because we’re his body together. As the body of Christ, when we work towards everyone being healthy and connected, the stronger the body of Christ is.

In Christian friendships, we grow stronger as we’re changed by the other person through God. Like a three stranded cord, Jesus keeps us from unravelling, adding security and strength into our relationships. When you braid a rope, you start with a knot and when you finish you end with another knot to keep it together. In the same way, Jesus is the knot that holds us together giving us strength. May we live together under Jesus rather than under the sun.