Genesis 2:15-25; Ephesians 5:21-33 It’s Not Good to Be Alone

 

Creation is a beautiful story of how God created everything “good” and “very good.” Genesis 1 and 2 shows us a God who is intimately involved with creation, making sure that everything fits beautifully together. Then we come to Genesis 2:18 where we come to the very first “not good” in the Bible, “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” We are then given the story of the creation of Eve, the partner for Adam that makes God’s “not good” “good.” Adam responds to the gift of Eve, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Adam is no longer alone.

There’s a great deal of loneliness today. Angus Reid in June 2019 showed that there’s a lot of lonely Canadians. The survey asked: How often do you wish you had someone to talk to, but don’t? 41% of Canadians often or sometimes feel this way. 47% feel lonely and wish they had more friendly human contact, 35 % wish they had more good friends, and 62% wish their own family and friends would spend more time visiting and socializing with them. One notable pattern is that women under 35 tend to express greater feelings of loneliness than other age groups. Four-in-ten Canadians say that they sometimes or often wish they had someone to talk to but don’t, this sentiment rises to six-in-ten among young women.”

It’s not good to be alone and people will search for a relationship to ease their loneliness, even choosing relationships that may be unwise or even unsafe. I’ve walked with too many people who have found themselves in such relationships and find the hurt is greater than the loneliness. Same-sex marriages, couples moving in together before marriage, those who are in polyamorous relationships are all searching for someone to ease their loneliness because they’re experiencing the “not good” of being alone that God responds too in Genesis 2. We may disagree with their choices, but it’s important to understand why they make these choices: they’re looking to feel wanted and loved, a relationship where they’re accepted and belong.

God responds by creating a “helper suitable for Adam,” who turns out to be Eve. This is the foundational verse that the church turns to when it defines marriage, “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” This is one of the ways that God gives us to find a way out of loneliness. There’s a beautiful image here of becoming one again after Eve was created out of the side of Adam. It shows the strength of the marriage relationship. In Ephesians 5, Paul teaches about marriage where both the husband and wife are built up and encouraged to become who God has created them to be. Because men and women are equal but different, Paul has slightly different approaches to marriage for them. He starts by reminding them that a strong marriage is one where the man and woman submit to each other. In such a marriage, both partners are focused on making sure that they are focused on helping their partner become the person God has created them to be. In such a marriage, there’s no focus on rights, but on responsibility, on encouraging and building each other up. A strong marriage is one where each partner is focused on supporting the other partner to discover and develop the potential God has placed in them.

Paul recognizes that men and women need slightly different things from each other. Men need to feel respected by their wives. This may be sexist, but most men want to be their wife’s hero, to be her protector and provider. Most times, a husband who feels disrespected feels like a failure, especially if his wife is critical of him around others. Most women seek to be loved, cherished, and desired by their husbands; to be precious in the heart of their husbands and loved for who they are, not simply for what they look like. This is why Paul calls the husbands to love their wives with a sacrificial love that is willing to give up everything for their wives. Paul uses Jesus’ sacrificial love for the church, a love so strong that he willingly gave his own life for our sin so we could be washed clean and made right with God again, as an example for the husbands to follow. In such a marriage, there is no loneliness.

Another relationship God gives us so we don’t have to be lonely are deep strong friendships, especially same-sex friendships. Not everyone is created for marriage. The Bible speaks highly of those who choose singleness over marriage; Paul even encourages us to be single in 1 Corinthians 7, but the possibility of aloneness and loneliness is high when you’re single. Throughout the Bible we see examples of friendships where people find the support, encouragement, and intimate relationships we all need. Intimacy in these friendships is not physical, but a depth of relationship where you are able to safely share the deepest parts of yourself, it’s a relationship where you can be vulnerable about what you feel, believe, and even doubt and know that you will be supported and encouraged. In my experience, women are more comfortable with these kinds of friendships, though the number of young women who experience loneliness surprised me. Many men seem to fear these kinds of deep friendships. Part of that fear seems to come from being misunderstood. This is mostly a North American thing as men in most other cultures are more open to these kinds of close deep male friendships.

These are friendships where you know you’re loved and accepted, where you know that you’re an important part of their life. In the Bible we see this in David and Jonathan’s relationship, where Jonathan, son of the king, knows that David is going to be the next king instead of himself, and yet he fully supports, encourages, and even protects David from his own father. We see it in Barnabas and Paul’s friendship where Barnabas puts his own reputation on the line because he believes in Paul and his call from God to bring the Gospel news to the Gentiles. Even Jesus has a closer friendship with John than with any of the other disciples. Ruth leaves her own country and people for the sake of Naomi. All these friendships involved sacrifice, encouragement, acceptance, and love.

A third relationship God gives us so we don’t have to be alone or lonely is the church. One of the ways the Bible describes the church is as a family. Robert Frost writes, “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” This is because you are connected through blood and committed relationships, even if they can be strained at times. We’re connected through the blood of Jesus, who has chosen us to be his own; placing us together in the church to help us grow more into who God calls us to be. The person you don’t particularly care for in church is there because God knows how embracing that person as your family can help you become more like Jesus. Family is also the place where you can be yourself, a place to take off the masks we wear outside the family in order to belong and be accepted. I do wish the church family can be such a place for everyone, even though I know it’s hard because to do so you need to feel safe. Everyone needs family. The challenge in many churches is to move from cliques and small circles of friendships to being family, to deliberately inviting others into our homes and circles, to care deeply enough to make those sometimes uncomfortable first invitations to those on the fringes of the church, to those who are alone, to honestly accept people and create places for them.

The reality about people is that we will all fail each other at times. Yet we keep reaching out to each other, practicing reconciliation when needed, because it’s not good to be alone. God offers us one relationship that will never fail, a relationship with Jesus through the Holy Spirit. Jesus tells us in John 14, “If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” God promises us he will be with you. Part of my life journey has been learning and embracing this, knowing that there are times I may feel alone but don’t have to feel lonely because Jesus is always with me through the Spirit. This fills me with strength and hope that loneliness can be conquered, beginning in the church.