When Joyce and I became parents, my younger sister always knew better than we did
about how to raise our kids, even though she was only a teenager herself. I had
lots of chuckles over her advice after she became a parent years later. Raising
kids to grow deep and strong in the faith and in character is hard work, and
honestly, parents need help. In Biblical times, most families lived together as
multi-generational families; that’s not the norm today.
Paul takes a young man, Timothy, and disciples him. Paul’s more than a mentor, he
sees Timothy as a son, investing in him like he’s family. Paul becomes a
spiritual father to Timothy, helping him to pastor a difficult church in
Ephesus. This was a city steeped in emperor worship, with a major temple to the
goddess Artemis, and where you could find many magic cults. It’s in this city
that Timothy’s preaching the gospel of Jesus which refuses to accommodate
cults, creating pushback. Timothy needs someone like Paul to encourage him; to
be a trusted person keeping him focused on Jesus.
A couple of weeks back, we looked at the major influences on a person’s faith and the importance of
family: mothers influenced 81% of the males and 74% of the females, fathers 61%
of the males and 50 of the females, pastors 57% of the males and 44% of the
females, and grandparents 30% of the males and 24% of the females. When I became
a youth pastor and then a pastor, I experienced how often I’m looked to as role
model because of absent or busy fathers or family.
Paul’s reminded of Timothy’s faith, and like most children today, his faith comes from
the Holy Spirit through his mother and grandmother. Paul becomes someone who
fills an extended family role in Timothy’s life. Paul fills in for an absent father,
grandparent, or extended family member role. Even when we as fathers or
grandfathers are present, there’s still great value in our sons having another
man of faith be like a trusted uncle, and for our daughters, having another
woman of faith be like a trusted aunt to them.
We become an
extended spiritual family when we embrace the responsibility of
spiritually mentoring our church’s children. Paul refers to Timothy as a son in 1 Timothy, “my
true son in the faith,” and in 2 Timothy, “my
dear son.” Paul accepts his responsibility to help Timothy to grow in
the faith, committing big-time. Do we? We’re responsible for the spiritual
development and growth of the children and youth God puts in our lives and
church. Paul writes to Timothy in what we call a circular letter, a letter
meant to be read out loud to the church and then copied and shared with other churches.
Paul takes a very public and personal responsibility for being in Timothy’s
life, even though Timothy’s not related to him. Paul doesn’t have any children
of his own, he’s single, yet he accepts his responsibility to pass the faith on
to the next generation. Each one of us has a role to play in growing our
children in the faith.
Maybe you’re a grandparent and your grandchildren live
far away. There’s lots of children and youth here in Bethel
who could use a spiritual grandparent, aunt or uncle, or spiritual friend. But
you can also make a difference in your own grandchildren’s lives, even when they’re
far away. In Allendale, Michigan, a group of grandparents got together once a
month over the winter to write letters and cards to their grandchildren who
lived away from home. It started for the university students, but over time it
got extended to the grandchildren of all ages. They’d write to their own
grandchildren, but then they would each take one or two of each other’s grandchildren
to also write them a card or short letter. Other seniors began coming who
didn’t have any grandchildren to also write letters to the children of the
congregation. They prayed over all the letters and cards before placing them in
the mail. When the grandchildren of the congregation would come home, they’d
mention how important it was for them to receive these gifts of love from the
congregation, knowing they’re being prayed for, and over, every month. It
reminded them of God’s love for them. Own the responsibility of pouring faith
and love into the lives of the children, even the adult children of Bethel.
Your wisdom and experience are gifts from God: share them.
Prayer and Scripture need to be foundational in our
extended family relationships. Paul writes
Timothy, “I constantly remember you in my prayers.”
Pray for our children. It’s powerful, praying for God to be part of their lives.
Let them know that you’re praying for them. It’s so uplifting to know that
someone is praying for you, taking time to regularly talk to God about you.
Paul also prayed with Timothy in a number of his letters written with Timothy;
Colossians 1:3,
“We always thank God, the Father of our Lord
Jesus Christ, when we pray for you,” and 1
Thessalonians 1:2,
“We always thank God for all of you and
continually mention you in our prayers.” Praying
together helps us grow closer together and with God.
Scripture’s important in our relationships. Paul reminds Timothy, “from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which
are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All
Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and
training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly
equipped for every good work.” Scripture’s the
story of God and his relationship with his people. The Jews read Scripture as
their family story, something we need to remember; it’s our family story too. At the heart of
spiritual training is the Bible. Rely on it for truth, values, and direction to
raise your children. Solomon teaches in Proverbs 22:6,
“Start children off on the way they should
go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.” Paul encourages Timothy to continue in what he’s
learned, and in his first letter, to set an example in his life, and to devote
himself to publicly reading Scripture, preaching and teaching.
The strength of a strong spiritual family is that it allows you to be vulnerable and humble.
Paul writes, 1
Timothy 1:12-16: “I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who
has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his
service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent
man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of
our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that
are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full
acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the
worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of
sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for
those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.” Paul admits his past was anti-Jesus, sharing this with
Timothy, trusting Timothy, taking the chance that Timothy might reject him
because of his past. This takes deep humility, yet can lead to stronger
relationships. Paul admits he needs God’s grace as much as everyone else.
George Barna writes, “Another teaching
tool
that helps many parents is their willingness to tell personal stories and
integrate some degree of personal vulnerability into their narrative in order
to capture attention and drive home a point . . . When parents effectively
describe a compelling life event that resulted in personal transformation,
children are more likely to glean valuable wisdom from the story.” When you share
personal stories with some vulnerability of life events that brought change, it
impacts children and helps them gain precious wisdom from the stories. Through
your stories, you help them learn to recognize their gifts and how to use and
develop them.
We underestimate the importance of having people in our extended families who show us how to live for
Jesus.
Paul writes, 1 Corinthians 4:16–17, “Therefore I urge you to imitate me. For this
reason I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the
Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with
what I teach everywhere in every church.” Paul reminds us that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, as my
mom would say. Paul
encourages Timothy to imitate him as he imitates Jesus. Timothy learns what living
for Jesus looks like from watching Paul.
For
me, it was a church elder, Jack. He loves God, but made mistakes. He
never made excuses, always owned up to them publicly, and worked hard to
change. His humility and integrity always encouraged me. Jack helped me see how
repentance and sanctification are a life long journey, and to show grace for
those who trying their best, even when they fail. Do kids see you as humble,
learning, growing Christians who need God’s grace just as much as they do? If
you want to know what kind of a follower of Jesus you’re raising up, look in
the mirror. It’s easy to not be involved, we’re too much like our culture which
tells us to do easy and shallow instead of deep and hard in our relationships
and responsibilities.
When we intentionally take responsibility for growing our children spiritually, making prayer
and Scripture foundational in our relationships, when we’re real and vulnerable
and humble, and encourage and prepare our children to use their gifts while
modelling the Chistian life to them, we become family. Are you in?
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